You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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