I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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