I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
