How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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