Dual....:-)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
