At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
