Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
