I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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