Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
