Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
