I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize