Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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