So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
