Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
