First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
