I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
