I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
