I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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