I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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