Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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