Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
