He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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