fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
