I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
