So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
