i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just cropdusted the office
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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