Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
