And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
