i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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