That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
where are my eyebrows?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
