can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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