I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
