I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
