I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
