oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
