The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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