First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
did i just pee glitter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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