I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
