OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
