i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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