You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize