he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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