Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
