Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
