If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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