I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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