haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
