It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
