I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
