I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize