Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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