I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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