I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
