farters have to be the big spoon...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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