is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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