I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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