it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
