First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
