Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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