at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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