I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
