You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
