sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
