I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like iHOP with fire
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
