Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
