Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize