There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
