i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
