She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
