i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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