I bet he comes in French.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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