ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
