a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
