I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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