Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
