There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize