just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My life is pants optional.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
