Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
