I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
