Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
