new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
