He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
