I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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