I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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