We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
