I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
