there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
