I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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