1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
