fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
