I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
