why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
