party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
