Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
