Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
