there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
