If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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