is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
