So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
